We have some good news! Yes, we’re going to cover all the single mom dating problems you’re either facing or may end up facing. But, here’s the good news. We’re also going to give you some solutions to all of these single mom dating problems. This would be a pretty terrible guide if all we did was point out any issues you might be experiencing and then give you a high five and send you out the door.
That’s not how we roll here. Instead of just pointing out problems, we like to help try and solve them. We know that dating as a single mom can be hard, but it’s not the end of the world. There are a lot of single mom dating problems that you’re going to encounter, but with the right guidance you can overcome them and find that special man you’re looking for.
So, without any further ado, let’s get into it!
You Don’t Have the Time to Date
The number one single mom dating problem that we hear about is that you don’t have the time to commit to trying to find that special man. You’ve got a house to keep in line, a job to work, a kid or kids to look after, and somewhere in there you still have to keep your sanity. We totally get it, and before we go any further, we want to commend you for being Super Woman and keeping the wheels on thus far.
But, we think that just because you’re busy, that shouldn’t be a reason that you can’t find love, happiness, and a man to help support you in everything you do. So, how do you over the most prevalent single mom dating problem?
There are two things we want to address. We want to look at where you’re going to meet single men, and we want to look at how you’re framing the relationship from the start. If you’re a single mom, you don’t have the time to be trolling bars or going out to clubs or anything like that to try and meet men. If you were to do that, you’d have to get a babysitter and make a ton of arrangements. This is if and only if you have the ability to find the time to make this work.
What we highly recommend you do is start looking into online dating. In years past, online dating was a weird and kind of sketchy place that only the strange went to find love. Now, though, it’s completely different. Online dating is now a place for people who are tired of the quality of what they’re finding at the bars or don’t have the time to go out trolling for love.
If online dating was designed for people that don’t have the time to go out to look for singles and you don’t have the time to go out and look for singles, it sounds like a match made in heaven. Online dating allows you to skip some of the formalities and time wasters that you have to go through in person. It also allows you to better sift through your matches and find quality without wasting your time on people who aren’t serious. We’ll talk about a few more perks it gives you and ways it helps to solve some other single mom dating problems in later sections.
That being said, you have to make sure you are at the right dating site or else you’re going to continue to run into problems. No offense to some of the sites out there, but places like Tinder and Plenty of Fish are just not where you want to be if you’re looking for anything that could end up being meaningful.
Here’s a few dating sites that we highly recommend for single mothers. The links below will also get you set up with a completely free trial, so you can get a feel for whether or not the site is going to be a good fit for you.
How You Frame the Relationship From the Start
The second thing we want to address in response to this single mom dating problem is how you’re framing the relationship from day one. Single moms that we’ve talked to have a tendency to be on one end of the spectrum or the other when they bring up the fact they have children to the person they’re talking to. Here’s the spoiler. Both are wrong.
The first group of single moms are way too forward and “in your face” about their children and how important they are to them. The conversation seems like “Hi, how are you?” “HI I HAVE CHILDREN YOU NEED TO RESPECT THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE AS IMPORTANT AS THEM!” Whoa, slow down. Look, it’s awesome that your kids are important to you and that you want to put that out there, but you need to do it a little more tactfully. This in your face approach is going to scare away even the greatest and most patient of men.
The second group just neglects to share that they’re a parent. Sometimes they’ll even leave it off of their profile because they think it scares people away. Sure, it doesn’t need to be the first thing out of your mouth, but within the first one or two conversations, it actually needs to be mentioned.
Here’s what we recommend. Find the balance in the middle. Share with them that you have children. They should be able to assume they’re important to you without you shoving it down their throat. Remember, you have nothing to prove to them so don’t worry about “convincing” them that you love your children. Any man remotely worth his weight is going to know this already.
Bring it up when it fits and don’t just assume that they read it on your profile. If it doesn’t come up in the first conversation or two, you can always bring it up yourself by asking them if they have any kids (even if you know the answer). Almost every guy is going to respond by asking you the same question, and that’s where you’ll be able to share the joys of your life with them.
Be prepared for them to have questions especially if they don’t have any kids themselves. This isn’t them running the Spanish Inquisition. This is them getting to know you better, and you should be excited that they’re asking you questions about you and your kids.
What Does This Have to Do With Time Management?
You’re probably curious what the heck that last section has to do with time management. Well, when you frame the relationship the right way and share that you have kids from the start, it lets any man with half a brain know that your time is going to be valuable. While we can’t give you more time to solve this single mom dating problem, we can try and help you make the most out of the limited time that you have.
Men will know that the time they do get with you is precious. It should be whether you have kids or not, but this lets them know that it’s going to be limited. This also lets them know from day one that you may have to cancel some dates or they may need to be flexible with times and your ability to chat or meet up. If they’re not willing to be patient, they’re not worth your time anyways.
But, you can’t expect them to be patient if you don’t let them know that they need to be. If the man you’re talking to doesn’t know you have kids, how can you expect him to be patient with you when you have to do extra and unexpected things for them? The answer is that if you’re rational, you can’t expect that.
The best way to solve the king (or queen) of the single mom dating problems is to start dating online and start framing relationships properly from the first conversation.
You’re Worried About Your Kids
One of the biggest fears for a single mom getting back onto the dating scene is that they might end up doing something that can hurt their kids. If the kids are younger, they might not understand what’s going on if they see a man they’ve never met before hanging around. If the kids are older and the dad is still in the picture, they may get resentful at someone else stepping into the picture.
Are these worries valid? You bet they are. But, the good news is that if you approach the situation properly with some proactive steps, you can alleviate a lot of potential risks your kids might face in this process. Let’s take a look at some of the steps we’d like to see you take.
Solutions #1 – Shield them from the process until the time is right.
The first solution to protecting your kids and overcoming this single mom dating problem is shielding your kids from the process. What does that mean? It means that your kids do not need to meet every single person that you go out with. If you have a lot of bad first dates, your kids are going to get confused when they see a parade of men coming around.
Also, it’s a bit unsafe to bring people you’re just getting to know around your kids. We highly recommend reading our online dating safety guide if you haven’t yet for some general tips about keeping yourself safe. As for your kids, keep the guys you meet away from them until you know for sure that you can trust them. Men should have no problem with just meeting you out for the first few dates or even for the first few weeks/months.
When is the right time to introduce them? We’d say the right time is dependent on two things. First, the relationship needs to be exclusive, and you need to be sure that you’re going to be with this person for a long time. This might not be right after you go “exclusive” either. It could be months after that. It’s going to depend a lot on the second thing we want you to look at.
It’s going to depend on your kids. You’ll need to look at how old they are, how mature they are, and how you think they’re going to react to seeing a new man in the picture. All kids are different, and no one knows them better than their mother. Make a judgment call and if you’re unsure, ALWAYS opt to wait until later.
Solution #2 – Explain the process if they’re old enough to understand.
If your kids are old enough, you should explain the dating process to them. You can tell them where you’re going, what you’re trying to do, and why you’re doing it (we’ll cover this in a second). Don’t lie to them or they’re going to resent the person if they find out you weren’t being truthful about what you were up to. That being said, you still do get the right to some privacy from your children.
Again, gauge your kids. If you think it will be beneficial to explain the process to them from day one, go for it. If not, just keep it to yourself without lying. That being said, this DOES NOT mean that you should be sharing details and gossiping with your kids about your dates. They’re your kids not your girlfriends a the bar. Keep the details to yourself and keep the kids on a need to know basis.
Solution #3 – Remember why you are doing this all in the first place.
We’re going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’re not just doing this for yourself. We’re going to guess that you’re trying to find a man that could potentially help to support you which is going to help your kids. Even if you’re not wanting the man to step into a father role, their help in supporting you will help your kids immensely.
This is important to realize because it should help you to realize that you’re doing this to help your kids and not to hurt them. Sure, you’re still going to worry (because you’re a mom), but you have to remember that the minimal risk is worth it in the long run for your kiddos.
You Think You’re Not Worth It
There is NOTHING wrong with you just because you have children. Your past is your past, and it’s what makes you who you are today. And, if you ever think you’re any less special than any woman out there without children, just look at your kids and be reminded of the special lives you brought into this world. We refuse to ever think that is a bad thing.
That being said, one of the worst single mom dating problems we’ve heard about are single moms thinking that they are inferior to women that don’t have children. Does having kids make things a little tougher at times? Of course. Does having kids mean that the man you meet might need to be a bit more patient and flexible? Probably. But, does any of that mean there’s anything wrong with you? 100% no.
You’re going to run into men that do not want to date you because you have children. You know what we think about that? Their loss. Be patient and look for a man who loves you for who you are accepts you for everything that you bring to the table.
If you’re ready to put these single mom dating problems behind you and get started, we highly recommend scrolling back up and checking out one of the online dating sites we recommended. Start slow and let love happen. You never know who is out there waiting for you right now.
Good luck friends.