How to Tell Your Kids You Are Dating Again

mom and daughter on the beach

Getting back out there after you split with your kid’s dad or mom can be a tough step in the healing process. But, it’s an important step that you have to take at some point. Just because things didn’t work out with your kid’s parent does not mean that you’re doomed to live a life of unhappiness. You deserve to find love again. But, how do you tell your kids that you’re dating again? Should you tell your kids?

In this guide, we’re going to cover all of this. We’ll talk first about probably the most important decision you have to make – when you’re going to tell your kids that you’re dating. Then, we’ll talk about how you should go about telling them you’re dating again based on how old they are. All kids are different so you will have to tweak this a little for your personal situation, but the general idea will be the same.

Congrats on getting back out there and dating again. Let’s just take a little time today and make sure you handle things with your kids the right way.

mom and daughter on the beach

 

When Should You Tell Your Kids You’re Dating Someone

Deciding when to tell your kids you are dating again can be a challenge. You don’t want to tell them too early or with every date you go on because it might not be something that lasts and then you told them for nothing. But, you also don’t want to tell them too late and have them think that you are trying to hide your dating life from them.

So, when is the right time to tell your kids you’re dating someone new? Well, it’s partially going to be dependent on your kid’s age, so we will cover some of this again in the next few sections. In general, though, here’s what we think. First, you should never lie to your kids about what you are doing. You don’t have to give them all of the details, but if they ask you what you’re up to or where you’re going, you should not lie to them. So, you may end up telling them a lot sooner than you want to, but being honest is key.

Second, you shouldn’t tell them as soon as you meet someone new or have just gone on a few dates. You may be head over heels about your new love interest, but that doesn’t mean you need to tell your kids right away. Until you are dating exclusively and it’s clear that your new love interest is going to be around for a long time, you shouldn’t bring it up to your kids if you don’t have to.

Once it’s clear that your date will be around and in your life for a while, then you can start looking into telling your kids you’re dating again and then possibly start looking into introducing them. Before that, though, it’s too soon. Kids of any age don’t need to see you going through a bunch of different dates trying to find Mr. Right or Ms. Right. It’s going to be enough for them to process dealing with you dating someone other than their dad or mom.

Don’t put any added and unnecessary emotional stress on them. Wait until you are exclusive before you consider telling your kids about your new love interest. As a side note, if you are someone who jumps into exclusive relationships quickly, wait a little while before you tell your kids. Remember, don’t lie if they ask you what’s going on, but you really should make sure the relationship is going to last before you start bringing your kids into the equation.

 

How to Tell Your Kids (Based on Age)

What we’ve done below is given you the steps to tell your kids that you’re dating someone new broken apart by different age brackets. Keep in mind that these are not hard and fast categories. If your kid is a little more mature for their age, then the steps in the group above that might be better. If your kid struggles with emotional things, you might want to drop down an age bracket to have better results.

> 5 Years Old

If your kid is under 5 years old, you really aren’t going to have to worry about much. They’re not emotionally developed enough to even really understand what is going on, so you don’t have to be as delicate. Towards the bottom of the age bracket, you probably don’t have to tell them anything.

If they’re towards the top of the bracket, you can tell them that mommy or daddy has a new friend and you can leave it at that. Make sure that you aren’t running men or women through the house because even though they don’t really understand what is going on, they are going to see that and it will be something they remember later in life.

5-11 Years Old

This is going to be one of the tougher age brackets to tell your kids you are dating again. Why? Well, these kids are going to be old enough to understand what is going on and they may see you dating someone new as trying to replace their dad or mom who they love. They’re also not quite old enough to fully understand the logic of what’s happening, so things may be a little tricky.

Ideally, we’d say to wait as long as possible before you let kid in this age bracket know you are dating again. Again, no lying, but you can be a little strategic about what you say and how you conduct yourself to keep things under wraps. Remember, you owe your kids honesty, but you don’t owe them an explanation of everything that happens in your adult personal life.

When it is time to tell them what is going on, you can again keep the information limited if possible. Towards the bottom of the age bracket, you might get a little pushback, but a few conversations about how mommy and daddy still care about each other should calm things down just fine.

Towards the top of the age bracket here, you’ll probably have to get into the fact that you are not trying to replace their dad or mom. You’ll have to talk about how people sometimes still love each other but are better with other people. You’ll have to really know your kid here and figure out how much they can emotionally handle. The more they can handle, the more you should look to explain. The less they can handle, the vaguer you’ll want to be with things.

12-18 Years Old

This is most certainly going to be the toughest age bracket on the list to explain to your kids that you are dating again. Your kids are old enough to understand everything that is going on which means that you’re going to need to explain a lot more. But, the fact that they understand things a lot better means that you can use logic to explain what’s going on to them.

The best way to explain things to kids in this age bracket is in a clear and logical format. Don’t try and sugarcoat things or make it seem like something that it really isn’t. Tell them that you and their father or mother have been separated for a while and that you’ve met someone new that really makes you happy.

It’s extremely important that you drive home the fact that this new person makes you happy. As much as your kids would probably like to see you and their other parent back together, they still love you and want to see you happy. They might not be able to wrap their head around that right away, but it will come with time. When they realize that it’s something that makes you happy, they should be much more willing to get on board.

 

Tips to Make the Conversation Go Smoother

Before we send you out there to talk to your kids, we want to make sure we give you some tips to try and make the conversation go better. Take a minute and read through these tips and we’re sure they will help your message to be much better received by your kids.

Talk to Your Kids One on One

We recommend that you don’t talk to them about this with your new love interest there or with their father or mother around. This is something that you should discuss with them one on one. Additionally, if you have more than one kid, you should talk to them separately.

Each kid might react differently, and you’ll need to handle those reactions in different ways. Also, if one kid takes it positively and another does not, you do not want the second kid to turn your other kid from accepting to angry. Just strategically look for some time to talk to them separately so you can meet each of their individual needs best.

Expect This To Be Hard On Them

We get that you’re extremely happy and excited about your new love. But, your kids probably won’t be right away. They might see this as you replacing their other parent and they might take that kind of hard. Be aware that this may happen and is actually likely. It’s not that they don’t love you or don’t want to see you happy, but they are just kids, and their brains and logic are not fully developed.

Be prepared to be patient with them. Don’t get discouraged if the first conversation is tough or they storm off crying. This happens a lot, and the kids usually come around especially when they realize that it’s something that makes you happy. It might not happen in the first conversation or even the first few, but it should happen eventually.

Answer Their Questions

If your kids have questions, be prepared to answer them. Don’t just give them a speech and call it a day and move on. Ask them if they have any questions and be prepared to sit there as long as necessary to make them comfortable with what is happening.

That being said, there are boundaries of what they can and can’t ask. They are your kids, but you are still an adult and entitled to some of your own privacy. Answer what you are comfortable answering and the things that help them to understand the situation best. Anything that is out of line or mean or rude you do not have to answer. But, at least explain to them why you are not answering a certain question. We don’t anticipate you’ll get any of these type questions, but just remember that you are still entitled to some privacy in some areas of this situation.

Realize They May Tell Your Ex

Kids love to talk. We can almost guarantee that the first thing they’re going to tell their dad or mom when they see them next is about mommy or daddy’s new friend. This isn’t something that you can stop from happening or something that you should try to stop from happening. Just expect that it is going to happen and be prepared to respond accordingly.

Your ex might get mad or not handle things like an adult, or they may say nothing and be happy for you. It all depends on where your relationship left off and what kind of a person they are. Just be aware that this is going to happen when you tell your kids you are dating again.

Dating a Single Dad – What You Need to Know

Man and child on the beach

If you’re thinking about dating a single dad, there is a lot that you need to know. Having a child can change anyone, but a single dad has to rise above quite a bit to fill the shoes of being a father. This means they are going to have some extra responsibilities, but it also means they’re going to have some extra traits and skills that make them a pretty awesome catch in a relationship.

We’d like to take a little time today and point out some of the most important things that you need to know if you’re currently dating a single dad or if you’re thinking about getting involved with a single dad. Every single dad is going to be different, but we’ve found a lot of things that seem to be pretty constant across the board with most single dads out there.

This information can help you decide if you want to date a single dad and it can also help you to get the most out of a relationship with one. It’s not like they’re some weird creature or anything like that just because they’ve already had a kid, but there are things that will be different in their lives you need to be aware of.

Man and child on the beach

 

You will never be a priority over his child.

This is not meant to discourage you or make you feel like you’re always going to be fighting an uphill battle. In fact, the title of this section could have been worded a little bit better. What we meant to say is that you can certainly become as important as their child is to them, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You see, a good dad regardless of whether they are married or single cares about their kid or kids.

It’s important for you to realize this because for a long time as your relationship grows, their kid is going to come first. If you don’t understand and accept this, you’re constantly going to feel like a second choice all the time if you compare how they treat their kid to how they treat you.

Here’s some good advice. Don’t compare yourself to their kid. Realize that this is someone important to them, and respect the fact that they care about those that are closest to them. As your relationship grows, you will become more and more important to this guy, and you’ll start to come close to their kid in terms of priority. You’ll never surpass them (and you shouldn’t want to), but you can become just as much of a member of their family.

This single dad tip is all about patience.

 

Single dads are emotionally intelligent.

One of the best perks about dating a single dad is they are going to be emotionally intelligent. Because they have to deal with quite a bit with their child, they’re forced to learn how to deal with emotional situations. If you’re looking for a man that is in touch with his feelings and not scared to be vulnerable and emotional, you might be looking for a single dad especially one that has a girl or girls.

There’s something humbling about having a child that can make a man drop his ego and realize that the world does not revolve around him. This can lead to a higher level of emotional intelligence which can mean great things for you and his relationship. For some reason, a lot of people think that dating a person with a kid is a burden when in fact, there are a lot of positive things that you get that single men without kids typically can’t offer you.

It’s amazing what life experience can do to a man.

 

His free time may be limited.

Kids are a big responsibility. This goes for finances, emotions, and time. Depending on the age of the kid, the dad may be changing diapers all the time or going to soccer practice and band rehearsals. Regardless of how old the kid is, there are time commitments. Now, as the kids get older, the time commitment changes as they start to become a bit more independent so keep that in mind when you’re looking at a relationship with a single dad.

The reason you need to be aware of this again deals with patience. Single dads are going to have limited free time which means they’re going to be a bit trickier to get dates scheduled with. It also means that there are going to be a lot of times where they need to cancel dates or reschedule when a babysitter falls through, or a kid gets sick.

You have to be willing to be patient with this, or you should never date a single dad. It won’t be fair to either of you. But, if you’re willing to understand and respect his sense of duty, responsibility, and ability to commit to something, then you two could have an amazing relationship. His free time is not going to be zero, it’s just going to be limited. You should feel extremely special when he chooses to spend that with you and not with the guys drinking beers and watching football.

 

His kids are a package deal.

This probably goes without saying, but we wanted to make sure it was clear. The kids and the single dad are a package deal. Don’t think that in some magical world the time commitments and things like that are just going to magically go away. Their kid is always going to be a part of the picture and expecting anything other than that is just selfish on your part.

We aren’t going to hammer on this point too hard, but here is what we want you to know. If you’re going to get into a relationship with a single dad, make sure you are okay with their kid being a part of the picture. Don’t get into the relationship if you’re just okay with putting up with the kid for a while thinking they are going to go away.

 

You might not meet his kids right away. Don’t be offended.

For a lot of you that are totally cool with a single dad having kids (you might even love kiddos), you may be excited to meet his children or be eager to meet them to show him that you’re totally cool with it. While we applaud your openness and eagerness to show your acceptance, we want to let you know that you need to be patient. Most single dads are extremely protective of their children, and they’re going to be hesitant to introduce you to their kids until they know that you’re going to be around for a while. Even then, they may be hesitant or slow to introduce you to their kids.

You need to realize that this has nothing to do with who you are or the quality of your relationship. Kids are fragile and they can’t emotionally handle or understand a ton of different women coming and going and temporarily filling the role their mom may have used to fill. If the mom is still in the picture, it may be a lot for them to process seeing their dad with someone other than her.

The point is this. All family situations are different. All single dads are going to handle introducing you to their kids differently. You need to be ready to be patient and realize that if they don’t immediately introduce you to their kids, it does not mean that they don’t like you or that your relationship is not advancing as it should. A lot of this depends on the kids who you’ve never met. The only person that truly knows them and knows what is best for them is their dad. Remember this and just focus on your dates and your time with their dad.

 

Single dads are adaptable.

Another great perk of dating a single dad is that they are highly adaptable. Your experiences in life makes you who are and having a kid forces you to handle a lot coming at you fast. Being a single parent makes you have to handle these things even faster and fill bigger shoes. Single dads have to fill the mom and the dad shoes when they’re parenting which takes a lot. Dealing with all of these new and unique situations can only happen if you learn to be adaptable and handle what’s thrown your direction.

This is going to carry over into your relationship. If you’re tired of men who can’t seem to bend at all, that’s not what you’re going to get with a single dad. They’ll be firm on the things that matter to them (like their children’s well-being), but they’ll be able to adapt well with what life throws at the two of you.

 

The Next Step

If you’re looking for more information on dating a single dad or dating as a single parent, we’ve got you covered. Check out our Single Parent Dating Guides section for a ton of information and resources to help you get the most out of your relationship and be the best prepared to support the single dad you’re currently dating or looking to get involved with.

Dating a Single Dad Problems

If we had to guess, there are probably two different kinds of people here. Some of you are probably women who are interested in dating a single dad, but you’re worried there might be issues you don’t know about. You’re curious what dating a single dad problems might arise and whether or not you can handle them or if it’s not worth getting involved.

The second group of you are probably single dads who are wondering if there is still hope out there and what issues you might run into that you can hopefully fix to make things easier. If that’s you, we’ve got a much better guide for you with our Online Dating as a Single Dad Guide. We highly recommend you check that out as this guide is going to be focusing on the women who are either in a relationship with a single dad already or are considering it but want to know what to expect or what the pros and cons are.

So ladies, let’s get down to business and discuss the dating a single dad problems that might arise, what you can expect dating a single dad, and the pros and cons of dating a single dad.

single dad with his son outside

 

Dating a Single Dad Problems – What Are They?

The face that you’re here shows that you’re well aware that dating a single dad is not the same as dating a guy who does not have any kids. If you’re considering getting into a relationship or dating a single dad, we commend you for coming here first to figure out if it’s something that you’re going to be okay with. Too many people these days just dive headfirst into relationships without taking the time to think if it’s really going to be something that works. So, hat’s off to you!

To help you out, we want to start out by pointing out all of the dating a single dad problems that may or may not arise. Here’s the good news; none of them are really that bad, and there are also a lot of pros to dating a single dad as well (that we will cover later in this guide). Here are the three main dating a single dad problems you’re going to encounter and how we recommend dealing with them if you decide to move forward with the relationship.

They’re going to have less free time.

If you don’t have kids of your own, let us tell you this. They are fantastic at consuming all of your food and all of your time. Kids require a lot of time regardless of the age they are. As they get older and into their later teens they do usually become more independent, but there are still time commitments that their dad is going to have to be there for.

So, what does that mean for you? Well, it means that you’re going to have to share your man’s time with their little one. And, to be the spoiler, if they’re a good dad their kid is always going to take priority over you. This isn’t anything against you, but it’s their kid, and they SHOULD take precedence over you.

There are going to be times when you have dates scheduled, and they have to cancel because their kid got sick or got in trouble at school. They may be late to dates because the babysitter was late or they found out they had to do something for their kid’s school. They may have to leave dates early because the babysitter calls and their kid is sick.

These are all things that are going to happen, and you have to be okay with them. You have to be okay with being flexible and understand that your new man is going to have to take care of his kid and that is going to require time even if the mother is still in the picture.

This is one of the dating a single dad problems that will require you to be understanding, patient, and realize that the “problem” is not going to go away for as long as the child is still living at home or still not an adult. If you’re cool with that and are not going to get frustrated with it, then you have nothing to worry about.

They have responsibilities that will have an effect on your relationship.

The second dating a single dad problem we want to talk about is a piggyback off the first one. You’re going to quickly see that they have responsibilities to their child that will have an effect on your relationship. These are going to be time responsibilities, financial responsibilities, and moral responsibilities.

Time responsibilities – These are things that we talked about in the last section. They’re going to have to go to sports games, dance recitals, parent-teacher conferences, doctor’s appointments, and whatever else it is the kids happen to be into. This will take away from the free time they have with you.

Financial responsibilities – Kids are expensive. According to Marketwatch.com, kids cost well over $200,000 to raise on average! Depending on your man’s financial status, this might impact certain aspects of your relationship. If funds are tight (which they are a lot for single parents), you can bet that his daughter or son’s field trip money is going to get paid before he decides if he can afford to get you something nice.

Moral Responsibilities – Kids watch and learn everything from their parents. This means that a good dad is going to want to be an example for his kid. This means that if you’re a big fan of going out and partying and doing all that kind of stuff, it’s probably not going to fly with the single dad at least while he has his kid. If he has joint custody it might when the kid or kids are away but certainly not when they are around. And if it does seem to fly with him while they are around, you might want to question the quality of the man you are looking to date. No offense to people to party, but we’re just being blunt here. You take on new responsibilities when you become a parent. If you’re not down with that, this is another one of the dating a single dad problems you will have to make a decision on.

There may be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend still in the picture.

We saved the “best” dating a single dad problem for last. When we say best, we mean the one that can usually cause the most issues. Oh fun, right? Here’s the thing. It takes two people to make a child which means that there is a pretty good chance there is still an ex-girlfriend or ex-wife in the picture.

Are you going to have to meet her or interact with her? It depends. The more serious the relationship gets, the more likely that is to happen. Now, if the two of them are cordial and things ended amicably, then it might not be a big deal at all. You might see her in passing when she drops off the kids or picks them up, but that should be it. If she’s around any more than that, you may want to question if things are really over between the two of them.

But, there is always the chance that things did not end on good terms and she’s going to automatically hate your guts before she even meets you. This is a real possibility and the dating a single dad problem you need to be most prepared for.

Here’s what we recommend you do to find out where things stand. Ask. When the conversation comes up about the kids (because it will, and he’ll want to tell you), you have the right to ask how things stand with the mother. You don’t have the right to judge how things ended or where they stand (at least at this point early in the relationship), but you do have the right to ask and you have the right to decide if you want to stick around and deal with it.

Again, it’s entirely possible that things are smooth between the two and you’ll never see her for a long time. It’s also possible that she is a raging bit…we’ll be nice. Just make sure you have the conversation, and you are okay with what you’re signing up for.

 

What to Expect Dating a Single Dad

Now that we’ve driven straight through all the negative stuff, we want to talk about things that could be positive. We want to talk about what to expect dating a single dad. The answer is that it’s going to depend on how old the kid is, what kind of living arrangement the kid and the dad and the mom have, and how the dad chooses to handle things.

Things will be way different if the kid is a baby or a toddler as they are going to have more needs to stay alive, but you aren’t going to have to worry about having to meet and deal with a human who is old enough to decide to embrace you or reject you.

Living arrangements will play a big role as well into how things go and what you can expect dating a single dad. If the dad has full custody, then you can expect there to be a lot more things that need to be discussed and worked out. Will you be meeting the kid? Are you ever allowed to stay over? How do dates work? Things like that.

If it’s joint custody, the dad may opt to only go on dates when his kid is with their mother. If this is the case, this will affect your scheduling a bit, but it’s something that you should be able to easily work around. As things get more serious, they may look to introduce you to their kid, but that will be completely up to them and when they think it is right.

If the mom has complete custody, then it’s probably going to be pretty similar to dating a single guy with no kids. That being said, you might want to inquire as to why they have no custody of the child. We’re not here to judge, but we just want you to make sure that you’re okay with everything you’re getting into, and you’re not uncomfortable with the reasons that the dad does not have custody of the child. There are plenty of good reasons that he wouldn’t, but there are also plenty of alarming reasons why he wouldn’t as well. Just do your homework and ask the right questions.

Ultimately what you can expect dating a single dad is going to come down to how the dad decides to play things. It’s his kid, and he knows what is best for them. Don’t try and push what you want to happen onto them especially early in the relationship because you won’t win that battle and it’s not fair to him.

Let him dictate what happens with his kid, but do keep in mind that you have the right to walk away at any point if you don’t like how things are going.

 

Dating a Single Dad Pros and Cons

The last things we want to talk about today are the pros and cons of dating a single dad. Basically, what are the drawbacks you need to be aware of and what are the perks that you get. Yup, there are actually some great perks you’ll get from most single dads. We say most because there are always some bad apples out there, and we can’t do anything to help them, unfortunately. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons.

The Cons of Dating a Single Dad

We discussed most of these in the dating a single dad problems section, but let’s reiterate and point out a few more.

  • They’re going to have less free time for you.
  • You’re not going to be the most important person in their life.
  • There may be an ex in the picture who may be a great person or an evil witch. You may have to interact with them at some point.
  • Their child will always come first financially.
  • They’ll have additional responsibilities that men without children won’t have.

The Pros of Dating a Single Dad

And now, here are some of the good things that come from dating a single dad!

  • They’re typically much more responsible, mature, and grown up because they have to be.
  • You’ll get to see their true colors. They always say you can learn a lot about a man by how he treats his mother, but the same is true (if not truer) about his children.
  • Many of them have bigger goals and dreams that are motivated by their children. Even though their kids are the motivation, you’ll get to enjoy the benefits if they succeed.
  • They’re experienced with kids if you ever want to have your own with them someday.
  • If they’re a good father, they’re going to be more morally sound.
  • If they invite you to meet their kids, you get to a lot of fun stuff that you can only do if you have kids!

Single Mom Dating Problems

We have some good news! Yes, we’re going to cover all the single mom dating problems you’re either facing or may end up facing. But, here’s the good news. We’re also going to give you some solutions to all of these single mom dating problems. This would be a pretty terrible guide if all we did was point out any issues you might be experiencing and then give you a high five and send you out the door.

That’s not how we roll here. Instead of just pointing out problems, we like to help try and solve them. We know that dating as a single mom can be hard, but it’s not the end of the world. There are a lot of single mom dating problems that you’re going to encounter, but with the right guidance you can overcome them and find that special man you’re looking for.

So, without any further ado, let’s get into it!

single mom and her kid

 

You Don’t Have the Time to Date

The number one single mom dating problem that we hear about is that you don’t have the time to commit to trying to find that special man. You’ve got a house to keep in line, a job to work, a kid or kids to look after, and somewhere in there you still have to keep your sanity. We totally get it, and before we go any further, we want to commend you for being Super Woman and keeping the wheels on thus far.

But, we think that just because you’re busy, that shouldn’t be a reason that you can’t find love, happiness, and a man to help support you in everything you do. So, how do you over the most prevalent single mom dating problem?

There are two things we want to address. We want to look at where you’re going to meet single men, and we want to look at how you’re framing the relationship from the start. If you’re a single mom, you don’t have the time to be trolling bars or going out to clubs or anything like that to try and meet men. If you were to do that, you’d have to get a babysitter and make a ton of arrangements. This is if and only if you have the ability to find the time to make this work.

What we highly recommend you do is start looking into online dating. In years past, online dating was a weird and kind of sketchy place that only the strange went to find love. Now, though, it’s completely different. Online dating is now a place for people who are tired of the quality of what they’re finding at the bars or don’t have the time to go out trolling for love.

If online dating was designed for people that don’t have the time to go out to look for singles and you don’t have the time to go out and look for singles, it sounds like a match made in heaven. Online dating allows you to skip some of the formalities and time wasters that you have to go through in person. It also allows you to better sift through your matches and find quality without wasting your time on people who aren’t serious. We’ll talk about a few more perks it gives you and ways it helps to solve some other single mom dating problems in later sections.

That being said, you have to make sure you are at the right dating site or else you’re going to continue to run into problems. No offense to some of the sites out there, but places like Tinder and Plenty of Fish are just not where you want to be if you’re looking for anything that could end up being meaningful.

Here’s a few dating sites that we highly recommend for single mothers. The links below will also get you set up with a completely free trial, so you can get a feel for whether or not the site is going to be a good fit for you.

 

How You Frame the Relationship From the Start

The second thing we want to address in response to this single mom dating problem is how you’re framing the relationship from day one. Single moms that we’ve talked to have a tendency to be on one end of the spectrum or the other when they bring up the fact they have children to the person they’re talking to. Here’s the spoiler. Both are wrong.

The first group of single moms are way too forward and “in your face” about their children and how important they are to them. The conversation seems like “Hi, how are you?” “HI I HAVE CHILDREN YOU NEED TO RESPECT THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE AS IMPORTANT AS THEM!” Whoa, slow down. Look, it’s awesome that your kids are important to you and that you want to put that out there, but you need to do it a little more tactfully. This in your face approach is going to scare away even the greatest and most patient of men.

The second group just neglects to share that they’re a parent. Sometimes they’ll even leave it off of their profile because they think it scares people away. Sure, it doesn’t need to be the first thing out of your mouth, but within the first one or two conversations, it actually needs to be mentioned.

Here’s what we recommend. Find the balance in the middle. Share with them that you have children. They should be able to assume they’re important to you without you shoving it down their throat. Remember, you have nothing to prove to them so don’t worry about “convincing” them that you love your children. Any man remotely worth his weight is going to know this already.

Bring it up when it fits and don’t just assume that they read it on your profile. If it doesn’t come up in the first conversation or two, you can always bring it up yourself by asking them if they have any kids (even if you know the answer). Almost every guy is going to respond by asking you the same question, and that’s where you’ll be able to share the joys of your life with them.

Be prepared for them to have questions especially if they don’t have any kids themselves. This isn’t them running the Spanish Inquisition. This is them getting to know you better, and you should be excited that they’re asking you questions about you and your kids.

 

What Does This Have to Do With Time Management?

You’re probably curious what the heck that last section has to do with time management. Well, when you frame the relationship the right way and share that you have kids from the start, it lets any man with half a brain know that your time is going to be valuable. While we can’t give you more time to solve this single mom dating problem, we can try and help you make the most out of the limited time that you have.

Men will know that the time they do get with you is precious. It should be whether you have kids or not, but this lets them know that it’s going to be limited. This also lets them know from day one that you may have to cancel some dates or they may need to be flexible with times and your ability to chat or meet up. If they’re not willing to be patient, they’re not worth your time anyways.

But, you can’t expect them to be patient if you don’t let them know that they need to be. If the man you’re talking to doesn’t know you have kids, how can you expect him to be patient with you when you have to do extra and unexpected things for them? The answer is that if you’re rational, you can’t expect that.

The best way to solve the king (or queen) of the single mom dating problems is to start dating online and start framing relationships properly from the first conversation.

 

You’re Worried About Your Kids

One of the biggest fears for a single mom getting back onto the dating scene is that they might end up doing something that can hurt their kids. If the kids are younger, they might not understand what’s going on if they see a man they’ve never met before hanging around. If the kids are older and the dad is still in the picture, they may get resentful at someone else stepping into the picture.

Are these worries valid? You bet they are. But, the good news is that if you approach the situation properly with some proactive steps, you can alleviate a lot of potential risks your kids might face in this process. Let’s take a look at some of the steps we’d like to see you take.

Solutions #1 – Shield them from the process until the time is right.

The first solution to protecting your kids and overcoming this single mom dating problem is shielding your kids from the process. What does that mean? It means that your kids do not need to meet every single person that you go out with. If you have a lot of bad first dates, your kids are going to get confused when they see a parade of men coming around.

Also, it’s a bit unsafe to bring people you’re just getting to know around your kids. We highly recommend reading our online dating safety guide if you haven’t yet for some general tips about keeping yourself safe. As for your kids, keep the guys you meet away from them until you know for sure that you can trust them. Men should have no problem with just meeting you out for the first few dates or even for the first few weeks/months.

When is the right time to introduce them? We’d say the right time is dependent on two things. First, the relationship needs to be exclusive, and you need to be sure that you’re going to be with this person for a long time. This might not be right after you go “exclusive” either. It could be months after that. It’s going to depend a lot on the second thing we want you to look at.

It’s going to depend on your kids. You’ll need to look at how old they are, how mature they are, and how you think they’re going to react to seeing a new man in the picture. All kids are different, and no one knows them better than their mother. Make a judgment call and if you’re unsure, ALWAYS opt to wait until later.

Solution #2 – Explain the process if they’re old enough to understand.

If your kids are old enough, you should explain the dating process to them. You can tell them where you’re going, what you’re trying to do, and why you’re doing it (we’ll cover this in a second). Don’t lie to them or they’re going to resent the person if they find out you weren’t being truthful about what you were up to. That being said, you still do get the right to some privacy from your children.

Again, gauge your kids. If you think it will be beneficial to explain the process to them from day one, go for it. If not, just keep it to yourself without lying. That being said, this DOES NOT mean that you should be sharing details and gossiping with your kids about your dates. They’re your kids not your girlfriends a the bar. Keep the details to yourself and keep the kids on a need to know basis.

Solution #3 – Remember why you are doing this all in the first place.

We’re going to go out on a limb here and guess that you’re not just doing this for yourself. We’re going to guess that you’re trying to find a man that could potentially help to support you which is going to help your kids. Even if you’re not wanting the man to step into a father role, their help in supporting you will help your kids immensely.

This is important to realize because it should help you to realize that you’re doing this to help your kids and not to hurt them. Sure, you’re still going to worry (because you’re a mom), but you have to remember that the minimal risk is worth it in the long run for your kiddos.

 

You Think You’re Not Worth It

There is NOTHING wrong with you just because you have children. Your past is your past, and it’s what makes you who you are today. And, if you ever think you’re any less special than any woman out there without children, just look at your kids and be reminded of the special lives you brought into this world. We refuse to ever think that is a bad thing.

That being said, one of the worst single mom dating problems we’ve heard about are single moms thinking that they are inferior to women that don’t have children. Does having kids make things a little tougher at times? Of course. Does having kids mean that the man you meet might need to be a bit more patient and flexible? Probably. But, does any of that mean there’s anything wrong with you? 100% no.

You’re going to run into men that do not want to date you because you have children. You know what we think about that? Their loss. Be patient and look for a man who loves you for who you are accepts you for everything that you bring to the table.

If you’re ready to put these single mom dating problems behind you and get started, we highly recommend scrolling back up and checking out one of the online dating sites we recommended. Start slow and let love happen. You never know who is out there waiting for you right now.

Good luck friends.

Online Dating as a Single Dad

man helping his young daughter with schoolwork

Dating can be difficult enough, right? Let alone with all the competition there seems to be in the dating world. The normal thing to do now is online dating, but how does online dating work when you are a single dad? What are the things you need to know and look out for when dating as a single father?

With so many variables you need to consider, your children and your lifestyle and routine, how would an outsider fit into that routine and jive with your family’s dynamic? How do you know when they are the right person to introduce to your children? How are your children going to respond to this new person who obviously isn’t their mom?

Today we are going to share with you some of the important issues single dads face with when it comes to online dating as a single parent. We will give you sound advice on how to deal with finding the right person and communicating with your children.

 

 

#1 Take Your Time

In such a fast-paced world of instant mac ‘n’ cheese and Uber food delivery, taking your time is the last thing you want to do, right? Our time is so precious, and we always wish we had more of it. We often find ourselves wondering why there couldn’t be more hours in the day? When it comes to getting back out there and online dating as a single dad, you need to really practice patience and take your time.

 

#2 It’s Going to Be Tough

Whether you recently had your heart broken, or you were the heart breaker, it can be difficult to move on with your new dating life. If you recently divorced and parented children together, the dynamic of what some may view as baggage can be tough to try and bring into a new relationship. You may meet someone you really like, and don’t be surprised if your children or child hates them, this is normal. If it doesn’t feel a bit like an uphill battle most of the way, you’re doing something wrong.

Do not lose hope though, you can meet someone, and you can start fresh, but at the end of the day you are still a father first and foremost. If you become discouraged, remember it takes time to meet the right person, and focus on the whole reason why you are online dating in the first place. Whether you want a second chance at love, someone who can be a great mother figure to your young children, or simply companionship because you have older children, it will be a challenge to meet the right person who is going to love your children just as much as you do. It is a challenge, but it’s not impossible.

 

#3 Make Sure You’re Ready

You are the only one who knows exactly how you feel. As men it is difficult to be so open about our feelings, sometimes even with ourselves. We need to really take into consideration out heart situation. Can we truly handle having another leading lady in our life right now? If the answer to that question is no, then you need to take more time to heal and step back for a minute. Maybe online dating should be placed onto the back burner until you are truly ready to move on.

If you are ready, then remember to take baby steps. We get it, you’ve been there already, right? You’ve been in a serious committed relationship, or you’ve been married and divorced, or perhaps you are a widower, and you are ready to jump back into the saddle and get out there, just remember to be doing it for the right reasons. Those old feelings could come up at any point in time and hit you like a ton of bricks if you aren’t truly ready.

 

#4 Beware of Rebounds

Okay so you need to get back out there but be careful of rebounds. As men we tend to be overly enthusiastic about the first woman we meet who is interested in us after a breakup. It’s something new and fresh, so we think it’s just a fun time, until it’s not and somebody gets hurt, or your tires are slashed one morning when you are leaving for work… yeah, that happened.

When women know you have kids, they instantly think of you as this more mature, responsible person, after all you were able to keep tiny humans alive, right? Women who date men who have kids instantly believe these men are looking for something serious and not out looking for a fling. Beware of this mentality women have when first getting to know them. Communicate that you are taking your time getting to know potential matches, as you have more variables to consider in your life than simply just yourself.

 

#5 Be Sure and Don’t Overdo It

When it comes to online dating as a single dad you need to choose wisely and make sure you don’t serial date. You don’t want to date a plethora of women only to find out it was a huge waste of time and have nothing to show for it in the end because none of them were worthy enough to keep around. The serial dating mindset will get you nowhere.

 

#6 Are They Worth the Date?

You’ve been online dating for two week and you’ve been having a great conversation with this one chick. She seems great, but she’s not sure how she feels about dating someone with kids. Sound familiar?

Your time is so precious, between work and being a single dad, there’s no much leftover. If you are serious about meeting someone and building a connection, then they need to be serious about dating someone with kids as well. Don’t waste your time on someone who might not be worth it (no matter how attractive they seem), save the date for someone else who is worth it.

 

#7 Who Are You Calling a Hoe?

Maybe the idea of even being eligible to be called a man-hoe by your buddies seems cool, if that’s you, this article isn’t for you. Being a serial dater is a great way to really confuse your children and possibly get yourself an STD. Women are already going to have the idea in their minds that you’re a good guy because you’re a dad, don’t take advantage of that.

With such limited time and resources, you need to be sure the person you are going to meet up with on a date is not only worth the date, but knows you aren’t some man-hoe and you aren’t looking for a woman who is either. More is not necessarily when it comes to online dating, it’s just more, and that may be more of a bad thing than a good thing.

 

#8 May I Introduce You…

Introducing your children to your revolving door of women is a terrible idea. You will scar them for life if you introduce them to a new woman every week or so. Your children are not dumb, even if they are young, they see what you are doing.

Introducing your children to an endless array of “daddies’ friends” will cause them to develop a negative mindset towards relationships, and those thoughts will affect their ability to have healthy relationships throughout their adult life. Children need stability, and if you are recently separated or divorced, introducing your child to a new person can be extremely confusing to them.

 

#9 No Sleepovers

It’s 7am and your children wake up to find your latest online date leaving the house in the same clothing she was wearing last night. Yep, it’s the walk of shame, but it’s even more shameful when your date slept over at your place and you have children. Again, children see and hear everything, they are not stupid. Unless you are so serious with this person you’ve discussed marriage, there should never be sleepovers when your kids are home and sleeping in the next room.

 

#10 Put a Ring on It

If you are going to marry this woman and you know without a shadow of a doubt she is the right one for you and for your family, then go ahead and lock-it-down. This is the only circumstance in which it is okay for you to have adult sleepovers in your home when your children are present.

 

#11 Communicate

Be sure to explain to your children the seriousness of your relationship with this new boo of yours so they understand the situation better. Communication should not be a one-way dialog either, allow your children to give their opinion and feedback. Communicate with them throughout the duration of the relationship (if serious) so they feel they are a part of the loop, and not being left out or forgotten.

For relationships that are less serious and not heading to the alter anytime soon, do not have this partner stay the night at your home when your children will be there, or could possibly show up in the morning. You aren’t hiding the relationship from them, but you are protecting your children. You wouldn’t want your child to develop a complex and have issues with promiscuity when they get older, or if they are currently in their adolescent to teen years.

 

#12 Honesty is the Best Policy. Be Honest with Yourself First and Foremost

One of the golden rules is that honesty is the best policy. You need to be honest with your children, yourself, and your partner.

Self-awareness is one of the most difficult things for human beings to grasp. We sometimes like to just hang out in our limbic system and feel things, rather than moving to the next step of rationally thinking about things. When you are in a fun, new relationship you tend to hangout in your brain’s limbic system for days, weeks, months, sometimes even years.

If you are a single dad trying to do the online dating thing, you need to get real with how you truly feel about this new crush of yours. Is it merely a physical attraction that won’t really amount to much more? Or, is it something special? Do you see an ability for her to be a good mother-type figure to your children? You need to be honest and think about it rationally.

 

# 13 Proactively Talk to Your Kids

When it comes to taking your online dating offline and out into the real world, your children will be upset if you do not discuss with them what your intentions are beforehand. To a child this sort of hurt would be like finding out their best friend threw a slumber party over the weekend and they weren’t invited. Not good.

Always include your children in conversations about where you see your relationship going with your new partner. Try not to over communicate to a point it is weird, they are children after all, so they don’t need every little detail. You also need to stand your ground and be sure to communicate that although you will take their feelings into serious consideration, they are not calling the shots. Some younger children can be possessive over their parent, especially if a stranger is introduced into the equation.

 

#14 Discuss with Your Partner

The two of you are creating this new team, and for that team to work you need to allow your partner to be looped in on the conversations you have with your children concerning them. We don’t recommend sitting them in on the actual conversation you have with your children, but they should know what was said. Even if the details of the conversation are difficult to share or you worry it may hurt their feelings, we recommend you are open and honest with them about it, so they know what they are up against. If possible, devise a plan to work on any areas of concern.

Your children will most likely feel intimidated if your new partner is around while you try to have private conversations with them about how they feel about daddies’ new friend. If you have multiple children, then try speaking with them separately to get a better gauge of where they are regarding your new relationship. Group conversations will sometimes leave more timid children from sharing how they truly feel.

 

#15 The Ex Factor

Okay so you found an incredible woman you want to build a relationship with, and possibly even a life together… and in walks your ex. When it comes to online dating as a single dad, you must take into consideration the relationship you have with your ex. Nobody likes baby mama drama, and you shouldn’t put anyone through that.

 

#16 Family Dynamics

We all have ex’s, but not all of our exes are the mother of our children. This sort of ex relationship is much more significant than any other because you share the special bond of creating a child and parenting that child with this person. Your new partner will naturally always feel left out of that connection.

If you know your ex (baby mama) is completely crazy, then you need to tread carefully when handling the situation of your new relationship and children with that person. Don’t hide it but be aware of the sensitivity you will need to have around the subject. Also, don’t get your kids stuck in the middle of things between you and their mother, talk to the children’s mother separately. If your children are around it may be difficult to have a serious adult conversation about the subject. Let your new partner know what to expect as well, so she is not blindsided by your crazy baby mama.

 

Best Online Dating Sites for Single Dads

Here are just some of the best online dating sites for single dads. Be sure to check out our online dating guides for those who are beginners with online dating, and so many other great online dating guides!

eHarmony

When you are a single dad you do not have much time when it comes to your extracurricular activities. You need to save time and get the biggest bang for your buck, and that’s where eHarmony comes in. With one of the largest online dating platforms in the world, eHarmony has so many quality matches ready to meet Mr. Right.

Elite Singles

As a single father, you already belong to an elite group, and you want someone who is going to stand out of the crowd, someone more elite than the rest. Elite Singles has a large online presence of single women, most of whom are college educated, and looking for a great guy to build a lasting relationship with. So many single dad’s turn to Elite Singles for their special someone or second chance at love.

 

The Bottom Line

You can do both, you can be a great dad and have a great dating life. Online dating for a single dad does bring with it its own rules and regulations, but it is not impossible. There are a lot of great single women out there who absolutely adore children and would be more than happy to date a single father.

Single dad’s just need to be mindful of the do’s and don’ts of online dating: take your time, be sure they are the right fit, don’t overdo it, no sleepovers unless you’re super serious, be honest, talk to your children, and remember to factor in the ex-factor. Follow these simple dating tips and your online dating experience as a single dad will be a lot easier.

20 Tips for Online Dating as a Single Mom

Mom blowing bubbles with kid

Single mom with babyDoes the idea of online dating as a single mom scare you or make you want to run for the hills? Do you image endless dates with guys who aren’t serious about anything other than getting into your umm… pants? Girl, we feel you on that! Here’s the secret though… you can totally find your perfect online dating match! 🙂

Your children are the most important thing to you, they are what’s most dear to your heart in this world and you would do anything for them right? Well, how about seeking out a truly great man or woman as your match? Dating someone who is incredible and treats both you and your children amazingly well is noat optional, it is a must. Show your children the type of love and respect they deserve in their adult relationships by setting the example in your own.

Today we are going to discuss all the #truthbetold issues that single moms are faced with when it comes to online dating. We will give you sound advice on how to take control of your dating potential and not waste time on the wrong people.

 

Our Tips and Advice for Online Dating as a Single Mom

20. It’s a Package Deal

There are a lot of situations in life where things are optional, for example, some people believe using a turning signal while driving is optional. Getting that added protection on your new sound cancelling headphones is optional. Choosing to be an active part of a single mom’s children’s lives is not optional… it’s a straight-out requirement.

19. Your Children Are Not Optional

This would seem pretty straight forward, right? Not necessarily. You really need to make it known from the get-go to your online dating match that your children are not optional. Explain that you are open to building a relationship, but your children will always come first, and they need to be comfortable with that.

Make sure that he or she is not only open to the concept of dating someone with children, but also just as importantly, that they would be potentially a great parent (or step parent if you will) to your children. Wanting children is very different from raising children. Your online match could tell you all day long they want children, but that’s like saying you want to lose weight.  They need to show you they’re serious by “actually getting on the treadmill,” otherwise it’s just hallow words… and you don’t have time for that.

18. Be Clear About What You Want

If you want someone who can acclimate into your family’s life, then let that be known.  If you want him or her to be the type to go to the beach with you and your kids on the weekends and build sand castles, then let that be known. If you want them to be a part of Wednesday movie nights with your kids, then let that be known.

It is important that you paint a clear picture of the family dynamic you want to have with your children and your online dating match. This will also help them to see how they can potentially fit into a life with you and your children because the uncertainty of what that might look like down the road could be scary or overwhelming to some.

Let them know how their unique talents would mesh well and add value to your children’s lives.  For example, are they an amazing cook? Maybe they could teach your kids how to make tacos on “Taco Tuesday.” Maybe they are a gifted musician and your daughter has been wanting to learn how to play the guitar so badly. Creating situations where they can share these talents with your kiddos allows them to build a great and bonded relationship with them.

17. Don’t Settle Out of Fear

You don’t have to continue to date that person because you worry that no one else will come along. There are millions of people on online dating sites seeking the exact same thing you are, love. If they aren’t the right fit, then don’t short change yourself. Don’t lower the value (or expectation) in a relationship that you truly deserve. Go for what you want. Go big or go home!

16. You Want to Be Seen

Yes, okay… so you are a mom, but you are also an incredible woman. You are intelligent, sexy, and you’ve got it going on right? You want your online dating match to know that your kids mean the world to you, but you also want them to know that first and foremost you want to be seen as a woman.

You have certain basic needs that need to be met. You need to feel appreciated, wanted, cherished, sexy, the list goes on and on. Your needs are not just physical needs, they are emotional as well. For many you also have spiritual needs that need to be met.

You don’t want to just be the mom who arranges play dates, packs school lunches, changes diapers, and is a straight up wizard at planning out each day’s events. You want that thirst quenching feeling for the fierce woman who lies within you. In other words, you’re more than just a mom, and you want your potential match to see that.

15. Matching with Someone Who Wants Kiddos

You’ve made it clear you have kiddos, but do they want kiddos too? There are plenty of guys and gals out there who really want to date someone with children, they are not some elusive unicorn that you have made them out to be in your mind. Take a deep breath, and know they are out there.

14. Look in the Right Places

It is funny how times have changed. Ten years ago, online dating was sketchy and taboo, now it’s the cat’s pajamas. Looking for a match as a single mom couldn’t be easier than it is with online dating. There are sites which tailor the search results and matches based upon criteria as specific as “wants kids” and “doesn’t want kids.” A word of advice, steer clear of matches who list “not sure” if they want children or not, that could more than likely lead to a bad news bears situation for you. Totes not worth it.

People used to meet in bars, but nowadays the cream of the crop seem to have moved away from the old-fashioned way of meeting people and have put their efforts into online dating. You can meet so many more people that you otherwise wouldn’t have even had access to in those prehistoric “dinosaur” times before online dating made its grand entrance into our world.

Utilize different sites catering to single moms and specific search criteria about how a match feels about children. We’ll discuss some of these options at the end of this article.

13. Parenting May Be Brand New to Them

Okay great, so we’ve established they want kids, but parenting may be a brand-new concept to them. Have patience with that. Allow them the time necessary to learn how they will get along with your children. Remember they need extra time with this because not only do they have to develop a relationship with you, but they also need to develop a relationship with your children, now that’s double duty which takes a lot more time and effort.

Have realistic expectations. If your online dating match only sees your kids once a week at best, then don’t expect them to become close with your kids after only a month, or even six months. At that rate it could take years for them to build a bonded relationship with your children depending upon their age. And if your children are older (think teenager) then that is a much more difficult relationship for your potential match to build.

12. What Type of Person Are They?

This is such a critical area to focus on. The type of online dating match that you bring around your family is crucial. You need to make such that first and foremost they are truly a good person and would set a great example for your children.

Do you want someone who will throw a football with your son in the backyard, and have silly dance parties with you and your kids at any moment? Do you want someone with a strong moral compass who can help guide and give advice to your children when life’s challenges arise? Do you want someone who will (actually) come around? For some, that last one seems to be the biggest hurdle to get over.

11. Make the First Couple of Dates About the Two of You

Let your online dating match know you are serious about getting to know them and building a connection with them first. This goes back to fact that you are a woman first, and a mom second. Remember that you want someone who is going to show genuine interest in getting to know you, and your match wants the same thing, for you to get to know them.

Once you get to know more about each other’s likes and dislikes, then you can talk about the likes and dislikes of your children. For example, your online dating match should know you love to go out salsa dancing before they know your daughter is in gymnastics classes.

You must build the connection with this person first. If your connection leads to a bright (and long) future together then one day your children will leave the nest and you will want to ensure you have a bonded relationship with your match when that time comes. In other words, it cannot be ALL about your kids.

10. When to Make the First Introduction

Ahh… this is a question we get a lot! When is the right time to introduce your children to your new online dating match? Not all circumstances will be the same, so you will have to use discernment or an educated determination to honestly answer this question.

You know your children. You know your match. You know the circumstances. Be honest with yourself and read on to see what would work best for you.

9. Make Sure You Really Want to Take This Step

This is BIG! You need to know you want to pursue a relationship with your online dating match first and foremost. Do you see a future together? Does your new sweetie want to meet your kids? Are they really itching to meet them? Are they super stoked? Or, is it more that they know it’s coming eventually so they are just going through the motions?

If they are super excited to meet your kids, and they keep asking you repeatedly… “When are you going to let us meet?” Perhaps it is time. If they seem to respond a little less excited, and it’s more in response to you pushing them to want to meet your kids… well then… it’s not time yet.

Your online dating match should be bothering you to let them meet your kids. They should be taking initiative to mention it to you. They should already be planning out what you will do when it’s time to meet for the first time. They should prove to you how badly they want to meet your kids.

You know that feeling with new attraction when your so excited to see each other? When you are non-stop talking to your friends about that person? This is how your new crush should be towards your children. If not, then it’s either not time to introduce them yet, or it’s time for you to move on.

8. Don’t Introduce Them All

Not every guy is going to be worth your time, let alone your children’s time. Do. Not. Introduce. Just. Any. Guy. To. Your. Kids. Your children are not dumb, they will see right through the fact that you and your new online dating match are not the right fit for each other. If they are not the right fit for you, then they certainly are not the right fit for your children either.

7. Give It Time

How long do you think it will take your new sweetheart honey poo bear to build strong loving feelings for you? Maybe a year or two? Maybe longer? Well, this same rule applies to your children. It will take your online dating match awhile to fall in love with your children (no matter how cute, cuddly, or cool they may be).

Have patience with the process. Things truly worth having, are always worth waiting for, so give it time.

6. Ponder This Question

You know the question that came to mind when you initially laid your eyes on him, “Will he make a good father to my children?” Yeah… we all think that same thing, and it is an important question to ask when you are a single mom.

As a single mom, you know your children very well. You also know what your own strengths and weaknesses are. When it comes to choosing your best online dating match, keep in mind that you need someone who can compliment not only you well, but also your family. You need someone who has strengths where you have weaknesses and vice versa, so you can beautifully balance each other out. You need to be a unified team together, so you can support your children from that foundation.

Perhaps you have a son really interested in sports, and you yourself are not so athletically inclined, maybe you want someone who is, so they can be there to support and teach your son in that way? This is one small example of the mindset needed when pondering the question, “Will he be a good father?”

5. Will Your Children Accept This Person?

This is the next big question that crosses your mind when you first meet that new online dating match. Will your children accept this person? Will your match accept your children? Will they love your children (one day) as if they are their own? Will they even get along? Will they like each other?

4. Talk to Your Children First

Once you have determined that you are ready to get back out there and meet potential matches, have a conversation with your children to see how they would feel about it if you started dating. Don’t just have some random guy who you are referring to as “your friend” show up at your house. Your children are intelligent and will see right past this.

Utilize family meeting time or even a longer car ride to discuss this topic with your children. Depending upon their age the conversation will be different. Younger children are not able to comprehend why mommy wants a boyfriend now. Older children will have resentment if you don’t talk with them beforehand. Play your cards wisely.

3. Take Their Feedback Seriously

After you’ve discussed your dating potential with your children, really sit back and listen to what they have to say about the subject. Often, children fear what it could mean for them and how it might threaten their relationship with you, especially if they have already had trouble in their life such as a divorce.

Give a label to their feelings, this is especially important for younger children who do not understand fully how they are feeling or what it is called. Tell them that you heard what they said, you under stand their anger, or their fear, and reassure them that you will do everything within your power to be there for them.

Often children are worried they are going to “lose mommy” to this other person, especially if their time with you is already limited. Open dialog and regular feedback throughout the process will be vital to having a successful online dating relationship.

Anytime your child has an interaction with your match, have a casual conversation with them afterward to find out if they had fun. Ask them what their favorite part of their time with your online dating match was. Address and concerns or odd behavior such as withdrawal or jealousy, as these are completely normal feelings for children to have to overcome in those circumstances.

2. Allow Them to Pick the Place

Throw out some fun options of where your online dating match and your children can meet for the first time and allow your children to pick from the options. Maybe there is an arcade they have been begging you to take them to, and maybe your new boyfriend is amazing at ski-ball. Perfect!

Be sure to make all the suggestions locations that are good for having open dialog, for example, don’t go to the movies where no one is able to talk… awkward. There are so many family friendly options out there to choose from.

Also, be sure to give them options where your new match might be able to shine (a little). Maybe he’s great at the driving range and your kids have been wanting to learn? Fun experience + bonding time = Success! 🙂

1. No Pressure

Let your online dating match know that there’s no pressure for him to put on a show for your kids. He doesn’t have to go out of his way to try and impress them. Kids don’t like a show off. Just keep it real. The simplest thing, such as playing with building blocks with them, can impress a child a lot more than a grand spectacle.

For some children, just being present means everything to them. After all, this is how children spell love: T – I – M – E.

 

Best Online Dating Sites for Single Moms

Okay, you’ve got that information down. Now, where do you start? Here are just some of the best online dating sites for single moms. Be sure to check out our online dating guides for those beginners out there if you’re brand new to this.

 

eHarmony

We tested out the matches in a lot of different cities including big cities and small cities and also with a lot of different parameters and what we found was plentiful! The number of singles on eHarmony is so massive and all the profiles were all fully filled out and real profiles. Unlike some online dating sites, eHarmony does a killer job of clearing out any spam or fake profiles that may have somehow slipped through the cracks. Although, we’re not sure how that could ever happen with their sign-up process.

eHarmony offers a free trial period, or for more information on pricing check out our cost breakdown for eHarmony. Also, if you’d like to know more about eHarmony and what it has to offer, check out our in depth full review here.

 

Catholic Match

This site is great if you are looking for a match with a similar faith to yours. We found that they do an excellent job of setting themselves apart as the top choice for Catholic singles looking to date online. The company is run by a small group from a small town and they understand the struggles that those wanting to respect their religious wants and needs face when online dating.

Every profile we saw on there was filled out and most people had added pictures and come back in and really put some work into their profiles. The site knocked it out of the park regarding quality, and it looked to be filled with people at all different levels and journeys in their faith. Don’t worry; all of that is searchable so you can see the specific matches that you are looking for.

Catholic Match offers a free trial period, and for more information on pricing check out our cost breakdown for Catholic Match here or our full review of this dating site here.

 

Bumble

The thing that is great about Bumble is the ladies have to make the first move on this online dating site. Maybe this doesn’t sound so appealing to the less assertive types out there, but it is truly great to only receive messages from guys you are genuinely interested in versus the daily need to clear out an inbox filled with messages from a bunch of losers. Sometimes it’s even the same loser who just won’t take a hint and go away. Ugh.

As a single mom, you don’t have time to waste between juggling work, your family, your household, and all the extracurricular activities you have going on. The last thing you need is to spend 5 minutes a day deleting a bunch of meaningless messages. With Bumble, you can control who messages with you.

 

The Bottom Line

As we have addressed in this article, when it comes to online dating as a single mom there are a lot of things to take into consideration. Your children come first, and yes, it’s a package deal. Although, do not allow your children to dictate your dating life. They are a huge part of your life, but they cannot be the only part.

Remember these helpful tips when navigating the online dating world, and remember that you are worthy of love, you are amazing… you made human beings after all, and that is miraculous in itself! No matter what your history is bad breakup with your baby daddy, divorce, or maybe you are just a single woman who adopted a baby because you could, just know that you are amazing! And know that your perfect online dating match is out there!

Just as you say to your children, “Take your time,” “Be careful,” “Wait your turn,” “Be patient,” you need to tell yourself these things too. Take your time in getting to know someone, and make sure they are legit about you before you bring them into your children’s lives. Be careful in who you chose – make sure they are a good person, someone you would want your children to emulate or to be like. Wait your turn and be patient, well… these are a bit more tough, but we all know good things come with time and patience. 🙂